


Just Fantasy

by Shelbylyn (shelbyofasgard), shelbyofasgard



Category: Original Work
Genre: A little angst, Anxiety Attacks, Destiny, F/F, F/M, Fate, Finding Love, It's not that bad but i wanted to warn everyone, LGBTQ Character, Mentions of past abuse, Past tragedy, Romance, Science Fiction, The Great Gatsby References, World War II, inspired vaguely by a tumblr post, minoranxiety, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5870818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelbyofasgard/pseuds/Shelbylyn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelbyofasgard/pseuds/shelbyofasgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you could stop time to find the one you love, would you? Would finding your soulmate consume you? More importantly, what if yours never came?</p><p>In a time where you can stop aging with one simple serum, Ash Woods is a teenager finding her way after being broken beyond repair. James Alexander just wants a chance after all these years. When science and a serum determine who you love, is it really destiny?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Asterisks indicate text messages.

　　“Happy birthday Ash!” my mom screamed as I walked into the living room. The room was filled with balloons and streamers. I knew that I should feel happy, I was finally eighteen, but all I could feel was a strange sense of emptiness. I was now an adult. I had to pay taxes and vote in elections. It was much more than that though. Tonight would be the night that I got the serum. Today was the day I would stop aging.  
　　“Cheer up sweetie,” my dad said, putting his arm around my shoulder. His formerly bright smile fell to a look of concern. I tried to smile up at him, but he saw right through me, pulling me into a tight hug.  
　　“Don’t worry. I’m just stressed about some school stuff.”  
　　“A big test today?” he asked, still not completely believing my excuses. I nodded, which placated him for the time being. My mom started to come over too, but my dad blocked her way, whispering into her ear.  
　　I walked back into my room, unplugging my half-charged phone. 15 Facebook Notifications. All of them birthday wishes, hoping for my health and future. With my luck, my future would be never-ending. Maybe that’s why I was scared to see Josh today.  
　　I kept scrolling through my notifications, and I had missed a call from Josh. I should have known he would be the perfect boyfriend. Calling me on the morning of my birthday, telling me how much he loved me, and making plans for dinner tonight. He was almost too perfect. That isn’t quite accurate. He was too perfect for a girl like me. I was too stubborn, too hot-headed for someone so loving and patient. I think I knew the answer to the question we both were wondering.  
　　Me: *Hey Josh, sorry I missed your call.*  
　　Josh: *It’s okay. Happy Birthday!*  
　　Me: *Thanks. See you at school?*  
　　Josh: *Yeah... Is everything alright? Listen if it’s about being eighteen today, don’t worry about it. You and me are going to stick together through it all. *  
　　I didn’t have an answer for that. Maybe we weren’t going to stick together. My dad said that you could just feel it when you met that person. The chemicals in your body would start reacting, and start your aging again. Your hormones would start working for you to be with your perfect mate. It would be slow, and sometimes it would take too long for you to be able to easily tell. You would know though. I guess it was something to do with pheromones and hormones. They never really got into it in biology class.  
　　“Ash, you better be getting to school! If you take too long, you’ll be late, and we both know that you can’t afford to miss physics again!” my mom yelled down the hallway. I sighed and grabbed my bag, not bothering to get up off of the bed. Maybe I could be sick today. I could probably miss a few classes and my grades wouldn’t know the difference.  
　　“My lord, Ash! You graduate in a week, don’t you think you could at least try this last week?” my mom screamed again. I guess she had a point. There isn’t much left to endure. Then I’ll be free. I picked up my charger, running out to the car. The tank was almost empty, and I didn’t get my paycheck for a couple more days. Well, this would make for a long week of school.  
　　I stumbled into the classroom just as the bell rang. The room all turned to me and glared. Good to know where I was placed on the totem pole. Mr. Sullivan had started the lesson on the board, and barely glanced my way when I walked in.  
　　“Impeccable timing Miss Woods. Thank you for honoring us with your presence!” he deadpanned. I made my way to the seat in the far back, trying to hide the blush that slowly spread on my cheeks. Mr. Sullivan then continued his lesson on the terminal velocity of falling objects for the next hour. When the bell rang, I all but sprinted out of that room.  
　　I did everything to avoid Josh in the hallway. He would want to talk about tonight. About us and the serum. He would be supportive and say that we would get through this. That was the problem really. He wanted me to be the person he spent the rest of his life with. I wasn’t that sure.  
　　I was of the belief that teenagers weren’t meant to be in long term relationships. We were constantly growing and changing. We really weren’t adults, regardless of what the laws said.  
　　I wasn’t even sure the laws were right. It all started with Doctor Thomas Lendsen back in the forties. He developed a serum that essentially isolated the genes that are passed on to offspring and in using our pheromones, he was able to make those genes detect those that are the most compatible to us. He found a way for us to find our perfect “soul mate”.  
　　In the forties there was an outrage that some people might not live to see their genetic soul mates, so they started testing on people. They weren’t trying to make them immortal, just to prolong their lifespans. To keep them younger longer. Though he had gotten very close to completely stopping aging in some select people’s cases.  
　　The population was split. Some thought that it was unnatural and that men were playing God. Others thought it was helping the good of the species. The courts were on the side of the scientists.  
　　Personally, I don’t know what I should think. I don’t think the decision is that easy.  
　　“Ash where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I was starting to get worried,” a voice said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned to see it was Josh. He wrapped his arm around me, walking me to the next class. I forgot that we had English together. Smooth, Ash. Smooth...  
　　“Sorry. Tonight is just stressing me out. No worries,” I replied. He looked at me smiling, but his eyes were skeptical. He started to open his mouth to say something, but the bell cut him off as he pulled me into the classroom. People didn’t glare when I was with him. I guess I seemed nicer with him. I wasn’t so cold and shy with him. Maybe that’s why he liked me. I didn’t shut down around him. I was the one that he could change. The great victory.  
　　Josh:*We still on for tonight?*  
　　Me:*Sure. When and where?*  
　　Josh:*Cal’s at 5?*  
　　Me:*I thought that was a bar?*  
　　Josh:*It has a restaurant attached. No law breaking tonight.*  
　　Me:*Sounds good. See you then.*  
　　I put my phone back in my pocket, giving Josh a reassuring smile. I turned my focus to the front of the room. The Great Gatsby was the topic of discussion today. I wasn’t particularly concerned since I had read that book more than my fair share of times.  
　　“The problem I have with this book is its lack of redeemable characters. I would like to discuss this with all of you,” Ms.Jamie said, bringing my attention back to the class.  
　　I had to defend this book. I raised my hand. Ms. Jamie looked surprised since I was normally pretty quiet in class, but she called on me regardless.  
　　“Go ahead Ash.”  
　　“I disagree,” I stated to the class, “There are so many redeemable characters in this book. Nick for one. The only wrong decision he ever made was being a friend to Gatsby. Jay was a wonderful man who let his pride and love take over him. Then there’s Daisy. She wasn’t the best person in the world, but none of us are.”  
　　“Daisy killed someone and let Gatsby take the fall. I would say she is pretty horrible,” I heard Josh say.  
　　“Was it wrong what she did? Yes. Can I understand why? In some ways. She was a flawed person. She never set out to ruin the lives of those around her. There’s even a quote in the book that says ‘They were careless people, Tom and Daisy – they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.’ Her biggest flaw was her apathy, not something inherently evil,” I replied.  
　　At this point the class seemed to be in shock. I was not a very argumentative person, especially in class. Josh looked the most surprised out of everyone. I never disagreed with him. He was used to being right.  
　　“Great points, Ash. I am very impressed. Any responses?” Ms.Jamie asked, turning to the rest of the class. Someone responded and the discussion continued from there. All I could focus on was the look on Josh’s face. He never saw that side of me.  
　　When the bell rang he walked out quickly, not bothering to look at me. I didn’t think too much of it, because if he was going to be upset by me being independent of him, that was his problem. Unlike Daisy Buchanan, I refused to be a “beautiful fool”.  
　　A couple classes later and it was time for lunch. My friend Rachel caught me on my way to the cafeteria. She had beautiful dark skin with curly, but neat hair. She was one of those people that when you saw her, you stopped and stared. We became friends when she moved here. She suspected I needed a friend, and she was right. Rachel was one of those people who was just amazing in every sense of the word. If there was anyone even remotely close to perfection, she was it.  
　　“Hey you want to sit with Wren and I?” she asked, “We’re planning our graduation party. Do you still want to combine with ours?”  
　　“Definitely. I don’t know near enough people here to warrant having my own all to myself,” I answered. She laughed and hooked her arm around mine, pulling me to the table with her and Wren. She next to Wren, putting a kiss on the girl’s cheek.  
　　The girls started planning our party. They had a time, place, and ideas of who to invite withing minutes.  
　　“Are you cool with that, Ash?” Wren asked, looking concerned.  
　　“Yeah, that will be great,” I answered. Wren moved over to the other seat next to me. Wren was always frighteningly good at reading people.  
　　“Are you taking the serum?” she whispered into my ear.  
　　“Is not taking it an option?”  
　　“Of course it is. You always have a choice. Plenty of people don’t take it. Mainly only people who don’t believe in the idea of one “perfect mate”.Or people like Rachel and I, who don’t have any mating plans if you know what I mean,” she said, giggling at her comment.  
　　“It just seems so clinical. Here take this medicine that will slow your aging, so you can continue the human race. And what happens if you don’t find your mate?”  
　　“Well that doesn’t happen very often. Or at least they don’t tell us about it when it does. I’ve never heard of that happening,” she answered. I smiled at her, then turned to grab my book out of my bag. The discussion was over. Wren moved back over to sit by Rachel, and the planning for our party continued. Before I knew it the bell rang, and classes continued.  
　　I got out of school at record pace. My mom was waiting for me in the kitchen. There were two boxes on the counter.  
　　“Happy Birthday,” she said, much quieter than when she had shouted it earlier today. She handed me the larger of the two boxes. It was some of the books I had been wanting. Before I could thank her, she handed me the next box. I opened it carefully. It was a needle with a small bottle of medicine.  
　　“I can inject it for you if you want. We don’t have to do it today, but we’ll have to do it soon.”  
　　“Maybe we’ll do it tomorrow. I don’t think I want to tonight,” I told her. She nodded knowingly, and left me alone in the kitchen. I stared at the needle. It was amazing that something so small could hold that much power over my life. It could change everything.  
　　I took the box to my room, and set it on the bed. Before I knew it, it was time for Josh to come pick me up.  
　　Josh: *Hey I’m out front.*  
　　Me:*Okay, I’ll be right out.*  
　　The car ride to Cal’s was silent. There was animosity in the air, and neither of us were very eager to clear it up. When we got to the restaurant we immediately regretted our decision. Almost every parking spot was full. He sighed as we pulled in, and slammed his door shut as he got out.  
　　We found an empty table and sat there, even though it was much closer to the bar than I would like it to be. Once we put in our orders, Josh looked at me expectantly.  
　　“Did you take it?”  
　　“No. I’m going to wait another day or so. I’m not ready for the answer,” I told him. He seemed hurt at my last sentence, but didn’t respond.  
　　“Josh please just talk to me. I can’t read your mind.”  
　　“Do you think I’m the one?”  
　　“Josh.. I don’t..”  
　　“Don’t lie to me!” he interrupted, “You already know what you want the answer to be. Just say it Ash.”  
　　“Stop assuming what I’m going to say! You always act like you own me!”  
　　“I have never done that! It’s not my fault you don’t have your own personality,” he shouted. I tried to think of a response, but I was too close to tears to speak.  
　　“Now I may be a little old-fashioned, but it is my experience that that is not a very good relationship builder,” a man said walking over to our table. He had short black hair that seemed like it was slicked back earlier, but had slowly become disorderly. He was wearing a leather jacket over a black t-shirt.  
　　“I don’t think it’s any of your business. Now please leave,” Josh ordered. The man looked at him unfazed by the tone of Josh’s voice. He turned to me, waiting for my permission to continue defending me. After a moment of silence, the man took it as a go ahead, and stared Josh down.  
　　“Listen punk. It’s not my problem what issues y’all have. It is my problem if you’re attacking this girl without good reason. I want you to leave, and you can talk to her again when you don’t feel the need to tear her apart.”  
　　“I’m not going to leave just because you told me to.”  
　　“Bad choice kid. Bad choice,” the man said, grabbing Josh by his shirt, and dragging him out the door. Some of the other people in the restaurant turned to watch the ordeal, but no one stopped him. More importantly, I didn’t stop him. I sat at my table in silence, trying to comprehend what just happened.  
　　I felt a hand on my shoulder as the man sat down next to me. He grabbed a pen from his pocket and scribbled something down on a napkin.  
　　“Here’s my number. Call me if he gives you any trouble.”  
　　He stood up and left before I could even say thank you. I watched him walk back over to the bar, putting his arm around a beautiful blonde, and whispering into her ear. Finally, my anger from what Josh said caught up with me, and I walked away, leaving the napkin with the strange man’s number on the table.  
　　 End Of Part One


	2. Hello James

　　One week later found me without a boyfriend, graduated from high school, and a needle in my hand. It scared me, this feeling of having no control over my life. That I had no personal say as to who my real soulmate was. If I took it, a drug would decide for me. People normally don't complain, because it is almost always right. 

　　There's been debate time and time again, about age in this point in time. If you could essentially stop aging, was anyone "too old" for someone? It brought so many things to question that we had never had to think about before. We never had to think if a 50 year old man stopped aging when he was 18, was he still fifty years old? Most people are inclined to say yes. 

　　Now people justify relationships by science and perceived maturity. "Well the drug shows that we are compatible, and they aren't that much older than me."

　　In the end I guess none of that really mattered. It was my choice whether or not I should take the serum. I was by no means obligated to take it, but if I was going to, I needed to take it soon. 

　　Holding the needle, I walked downstairs to the living room where my mom was sitting.

　　"I think I'm ready," I whispered, just loud enough for her to hear.

　　"You think? I don't want you to take this if you're not sure. We can't just undo this."

　　"Yeah, I'm sure," I answered, my voice starting to sound more confident in my decision. She nodded, taking the needle from my hand. We went to the kitchen where she cleaned a spot on my arm gently. She really missed her calling. She should have been a nurse.

　　She put the needle to my skin, making eye contact with me before she injected it. I gave her a half-hearted smile, and with that it was done. I expected to feel different, like in that moment I would feel younger. To my surprise, I felt exactly the same. 

　　"Did you take it?" I asked. She shook her head in response.

　　"No, I was never healthy enough. When I was your age the serum hadn't become commonplace yet, so only those in the best of shape could have access to it."

　　"Why did that change?"

　　"I think it all came down to better technology. When it all started in the forties, it was only soldiers and doctors who got it. They wanted to keep the most important people as young as they could for the war," she answered, "Now it's about perfecting the human race as much as possible."

　　"I feel like I should be excited Mom, but I just feel scared," I told her.

　　"I think that's how you're supposed to feel Ash. Does Josh know that you decided to take it?"

　　"Since we broke up, he doesn't even bother to ask," I answered, "Not that I'm complaining, I would rather him not say anything to me." For once, my mom didn't have an answer, and just hugged me tightly. 

　　That night I needed something to get my mind off of everything. I'm not sure why I chose Cal's, maybe I wanted to find something there. Maybe I was hoping that Josh would be there, and then I would know. I would know if he was it. 

　　You could tell I had gone later than normal, because the bar was louder this time. There were more people getting here, trying to drink away the time. Not that I can judge, I was just there chasing a ghost of a memory. At least, that's what I thought I was doing.

　　I was there an hour before I realized whatever I was looking for wasn't coming. That's when he walked in. My hero from the bar that stopped Josh and I's fight. When he made eye contact with me, there was a look of surprise on his face. Don't worry man, I don't know why I'm here either. I started to go to talk to him, but then I saw the beautiful woman from the last time he was here was right by his side. She looked painfully happy, standing there with him. He, on the other hand, looked empty. Maybe he just wanted her to be an easy fuck, not something more. Either way, it wasn't my business. 

　　Turning back to my table, I saw someone making there way over to me. It took me a minute to figure out who he was. It was Dylan, one of Josh's football teammates. They weren't very close, so I never really talked to him. 

　　"Hey Ash, how's it going?" he asked, standing awkwardly in front of me.

　　"I'm alright. Did you need something Dylan?"

　　"Oh.Uh, no. I just wanted to say hi. It's weird being graduated isn't it?" he murmured, trying so hard to make conversation. It clearly wasn't going to happen, but at least he tried.

　　"Yeah. Having my party really made it all sink in ya know?" I replied.

　　"I feel you there," he answered, "Well it was nice seeing you." He waved shyly, and walked away. That had to be one of the most painful experiences I had ever had. I grabbed my wallet, laying some money on the table to pay for the few cups of soda I had. I stood, starting to leave, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I really was never going to get out of here. I turned and saw the man who seemed to keep being part of my life.

　　"You never called," he said, his voice much gentler than the last time I heard it.

　　"I didn't need protection. Thanks though," I answered, trying to end the conversation. He stuck his hand out, and shook mine.

　　"The name's James."

　　"I'm Ash Woods," I answered, a smirk coming over his face, "You got a last name there, Mr. Mysterious?"

　　"Alexander. James Alexander."

　　"So tell me, James Alexander, why are you here talking to me, when you have a lovely date over there at the bar?" I questioned, knowing that I was taking a bit of a risk asking that. 

　　"She.. She is a friend of mine. Much as I would like to you to be," he said. Well he certainly knew how to get to the point of the matter. He pulled out his phone, opened something up,and handed it to me. It was the contact screen. I hesitated before my curiosity got the better of me, and I tapped in my number. He smiled taking his phone back. And with that, I walked away, leaving him in the bar. 

　　A few minutes later I got home, feeling slightly better than I had before I went. I felt like everything that had changed wasn't so bad after all. Between actually meeting James, and seeing Dylan want to talk to me without Josh being around it gave me some hope. When I was with Josh, most people only talked to me because they wanted to talk to him. I never was willing to admit how unhealthy that was. I guess people could actually like me, and not just because I was dating Josh. Maybe it was time that I started talking to more of the kids from my class. I scrolled through my phone contacts, and I saw that I did have Dylan's number. When did that happen. I started to text him, but my phone went off before I had the chance.

　　Unknown: Hello Miss Woods.

　　Me: Umm... Who is this?

　　Unknown: It's James from the bar. 

　　Me: Oh hey there James. What's up?

　　James: I wanted to ask what happened after I kicked your boyfriend to the curb the other night. I hope that wasn't too brash of me. 

　　Me:Ex-boyfriend now. And nothing really. It just started the inevitable. It was going to happen   once I took the serum.

　　James: You took it? When?

　　Me: Today. A little before I saw you today. If it's okay to ask, did you ever take it?

　　James: A long time ago.

　　Me: How's that going?

　　He replied slowly that time. I couldn't help but wonder if I had somehow upset him when I asked that. 

　　James: I noticed it wore off a few days ago.

　　Me: Who's the lucky lady?

　　James: Not really sure right now. I think it's Dani, I met her a week ago or so. She never took the serum, so I can't really be positive. She's a swell gal though.

　　Me: Wow, no one ever tells you about what happens if you don't know who stopped the serum. 

　　

　　James: Welcome to my world. Well, I have a woman to woo, so I'll talk to ya later my dear.

　　Me: Dear? Well, sweetheart, if you MUST go.. I suppose a flirt's job is never done.

　　With that I turned off my phone, and I couldn't help but smile. God he was such a flirt, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. 

　　The next morning I tried texting Dylan for a while, but like typical teenage texting, it was pretty boring, so I abandoned it. I went to the kitchen to get breakfast when my mother jumped me.

　　"Ash, we need to talk."

　　"God, I don't even have coffee in my system yet. This needs to be held off for at least two minutes," I grumbled, shuffling over to the coffee pot.

　　"That is not an option, young lady. You ran off last night, not bothering to explain why. You're graduated from high school, with plans to get your degree online when semester starts. We need to talk about the future," she said, pulling me down to sit at the table. "I understand that this all is a lot for you, especially with what happened last.."

　　"I have a plan mom," I started cutting her off, "I put in an application at Lendsen Industries as an intern in the secretarial and press department. I start today actually." My mom looked at me, with a broken smile. I grabbed my cup of coffee, and gave my mother one last look. "Oh and also, please don't talk about Jenny. She's gone. Let me move on."

　　I went to my room and got dressed for work. I felt like I should be more excited for this job, but I was just nervous more than anything. About a month ago Lendsen hired a few high school graduates to work as interns in various departments. Being a future English major, I fit well in the secretarial department. Josh had helped me get the job. His uncle worked there and recommended me for the position. I realized that Josh might be there today. Hopefully I would be able to avoid him today.

　　Which is why in a stereotypical young adult novel turn of events he was in the first elevator I entered.


	3. Scandal Breaks

　"Hey Ash. Heard you took the serum," he said, failing at his attempt to make small talk.

　　"Yes I did. Talked to your friend Dylan too."

　　Josh looked at me, a glare very apparent to me. Evidently that was a sore spot for him. I heard my phone go off, I took it out, earning another glare from Josh.

　　James: Hey, how's the life in the trees?

　　I giggled as I read that, making Josh look like he was about two seconds from ending me.

　　Me:Did you seriously just make a Woods pun? I'm sorry, I can no longer talk to you.

　　James: That was perfect and you know it. But anyways, you want to grab a coffee later? I figure if I'm gonna save ya, I could at least get a coffee out of it.

　　Me:Well aren't you a sweetheart. But sure. I'll call you when I get a break. How did the wooing go last night?

　　James: Well, I won't be marrying that one, that's for sure. Evidently Dani did take the serum, it was Lily who didn't.. Needless to say, neither of them like me much now.

　　Me:My condolences. I'll call you later.

　　I walked out of the elevator, avoiding all eye contact with Josh, and made my way over to the main office. The name on the desk was Renee Lisbon. 

　　"Hi, I'm Ash, the new intern?" I said, making it sound more like a question than an introduction. 

　　"You'll be working back with Amy helping her file our recent records. Just head to the end of the offices, and you'll find her somewhere around here."

　　"Thanks," I answered, and made the terrifying march back to where my work would begin. People were running around, completely ignoring me as I tried to find my way. I guess I thought it would be calmer, more sterile feeling. 

　　I found a little office in the back and knocked on the door. A beautiful red-headed woman looked up to me and smiled, welcoming me in.

 

　　"Hi I'm Amy," she told me, "Welcome to Lendsen Industries. I'm sorry that your first day had to be today."

　　"Excuse me?" 

　　"Oh you haven't heard? Someone leaked confidential patient records to the media last night, and shit has finally hit the fan," she explained, "The records were from the early years of the company, but needless to say, it's causing quite an outrage."

　　"I guess invasion of privacy and all of that would cause a problem," I replied, making the connection to all of the running I saw in the hallway.

　　"Oh that's not even half of it sweetie. The press hasn't released the worst yet," she whispered, "But that's not our job. Right now I just need you to alphabetize these folders." I looked at the stack that she was referring to, and that's when I realized I wouldn't be doing much else today. 

 

　　"Okay that number is insane!" I exclaimed, "There is no way you've been with that many people." James smirked, taking a sip of his coffee.

　　"Well I've had a little more time than most I suppose," he murmured, his eyes becoming somber. I waited for him to make a joke, or to at least explain why he was so upset. For the first time, we were both sitting in silence. 

　　I reached across and put my hand on his. To my surprise, he didn't pull away. "You okay, James?"

　　He smiled, squeezing my hand. "I'm fine doll, just went somewhere else for a minute there," he said, pulling his hand away. "Now it's time to learn more about you. What do you do?"

　　"I'm an intern over at Lendsen Industries right now, and I start college in the fall," I answered.

　　"What do you do for Lendsen?" he asked, his voice almost angry.

　　"I just work in the secretarial department," I explained, "I'm an English major, so it's just a step on the way to trying to get into the press department." His face calmed when I said that. Maybe his anger was just imagined.

　　"You going into journalism?"

　　"I've thought about it. I don't want to be one of the reporters who feed off of people's tragedies though. There's something disgusting about that."

　　James opened his mouth to speak again when my phone went off. It was my reminder that my break was going to be over soon. I grimaced at the screen, and slowly began to stand up. 

　　"Sorry James, I have to get back to work. I'll see ya later?" I asked, afraid that in fact, I would not see him again.

　　"Definitely," he asserted, "I'll call you sometime."

 

　　When I got back to work, things had somehow become more hectic. Journalists had swarmed the main doors, and were fighting for someone to give them a statement. I managed to get through the crowd, and made my way to the office. 

　　As I got to the door, I heard the sound of muffled voices. I stopped to listen. Maybe this was a discussion that I shouldn't interrupt.

　　"When the public learns about this, this company will go down!" a man yelled, his voice almost cracking as he spoke.

　　"What do you want me to do about it?" I heard a voice I recognized to be Amy's replied, "If we come forward we'll just be crucified sooner!"

　　"Maybe we should just own it. It's been over sixty years since it all happened, hell, probably longer than that. The people in charge now had nothing to do with all of that," a new voice added. 

　　"But we covered it up! That's the problem! We knew about what happened to all the soldiers during and after the war, and we didn't tell anyone! This company will be destroyed if that is found out," Amy explained. There was a loud thump and the door opened, a man leaving the office. He shoved past me, not even noticing that I was there. 

　　"Do you know how bad it was?" I heard Amy ask.

　　"No, they never let me read the file," the calmer man replied.

　　"Then you don't understand why the media can't know about this," she explained, "Things happened to those men that shouldn't have happened to anyone. It's time I get back to work though." With that the other man left the office, smiling kindly at me as he walked by. 

　　I joined Amy in the office, seeing that she was a mess. Her formerly clean cut look had become disheveled. She looked exhausted, but she still tried to smile as I entered. 

　　"Hey, Ash. Have a good lunch?" she asked, clearly not actually caring. 

　　"Great," I answered, "Everything alright there?"

　　"Yes," she nodded, "You know Ash, there isn't much for you to do today. Why don't you head out?"

　　I started to protest when she cut me off, "No it's fine. Nothing routine is going to get done today." I smiled and started to leave, when this uncontrollable urge hit me. 

　　"What did Lendsen do?" I asked, surprising myself.

　　"Go home, Ash. You'll know soon enough."

 

　　When I got home, I turned on the news, hoping to see something about Lendsen. Something was going on, and I needed to know what. Was it about the serum? Or was it something completely unrelated to that? Lendsen industries had done so much for the medical community, it could have been anything. 

　　There was nothing on the news, so I turned on my laptop, ready to do some serious digging. To my surprise, there was nothing about the leak. Why was the media keeping it quiet? Not even the tabloids have said anything. 

　　The sound of my phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked at the screen, and I saw it was Rachel. 

　　"Hey Ray, what's up?" I started.

　　"How was your first day at Lendsen?" she asked, "My little girl in the big old world."

　　"First, you're younger than me, so hush. And second, it was pretty good. I got sent home early," I replied, still searching on my laptop. I was now on the Lendsen website going to the history page. 

　　"Why did you get sent home early?" Rachel asked, starting to sound concerned.

　　"Evidently there was this huge leak, and lots of private files were given to the media," I explained, "Nothing was gonna get done today."

　　"Huh," she murmured. I could hear pages turning in the background. Which sparked a thought for me. 

　　"Here's the thing. I overheard my boss talking and..."

　　"Wait you spied on your boss?" Rachel interrupted, "What the hell are you thinking, Ash? What if you got caught?"

　　"I didn't, so let me finish. This is all some big cover-up. When the company was founded something was done to soldiers. Something bad that they won't even talk about."

　　"Listen Ash. I know better than to tell you not to do something, but this doesn't seem like a good idea. Stay out of it," she scolded me. 

　　"I just want you to do me a small favor. When you go to the library, could you find me some newspapers from the forties, and let me sort through them?" I asked, trying to sound sweet. 

　　"You're lucky I like you. I'll put them aside for you, and you can just stop by when you get off work tomorrow. Maybe we can get dinner too?" she asked, though it sounded more like a command than an invitation. 

　　"Sounds great Rachel. I'm already missing you, ya know?"

　　"I know. I'm sorry I'm a little protective of you. I just worry. Ever since Jenny you haven't been the same..."

　　"Stop. It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I said, proving that I was not going on with that subject.

　　"See you tomorrow Ash." 

　　I hung up the phone. I tried to distract myself with the words on the laptop, but all my mind could think was Jenny. I kept fighting the thoughts, trying to will them out of my mind, like I do everyday. 

　　The sound of the TV seemed to get louder and louder. Everything was starting to collapse in around me. I heard the laptop fall, but I didn't see it happen. My body was shaking, but I couldn't stop. Tears were dripping down my face, falling onto my shirt. 

　　Jenny.

　　The side of the road. 

　　Jenny.

　　Music bursting. Loud.

　　Jenny, where are you?

　　Hands on my waist.

　　Jenny?

　　"Wanna go somewhere tonight sweetie?"

　　Jenny is gone. 

　　I ran, I forgot to look.

　　Jenny needed me.

　　A cop at the door that morning.


	4. The Story Of Jenny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the story does start with a small, minor anxiety attack. Also some underage drinking is mentioned at the end of the story. Let me know if I need to add any warnings/tags. Thanks guys!

　　“Oh my God, Ash are you okay?” my mother screamed, running over. I kept shaking, crying. The words weren’t coming.  
　　“Sweetie..” The word made me cringe, and I pushed her away. A hurt look crossed her face, but she quickly erased it, trying to calm me down.  
　　“Ash, you’re having another anxiety attack. I need you to just calm down, and listen to me. Did you take anything?”  
　　“N...no,” I answered, starting to pull myself together, “I’m okay mom. Just had a long day. I think I need to go get some sleep.”  
　　“Go to sleep Ash,” my mother nodded,” But we are talking about this in the morning, so don’t think you’re getting out of this discussion.”  
　　I didn’t say anything as I went to my room, locking the door behind me. I couldn’t stay here. Everything around me was hurting me.   
　　I was on autopilot. I reached to my phone, and I didn’t remember pressing send, but that’s when I heard a voice on the other side of the line.   
　　“Ash? Do you know what time it is? Some of us aren’t young and spry anymore,” I heard James answer, his voice husky with the sound of just being woken up.   
　　I tried to reply, but I couldn’t get the words out. I started to sob, and though I tried to stop, I couldn’t.   
　　“What’s going on darling? Where are you?” his voice rose with concern.   
　　“I’m at home.”  
　　“Text me your address, I’m picking you up,” he ordered, I could hear his keys in the background, “Ash just do it. I want to make sure you’re okay.”  
　　I typed in my address, and sent it to him. I walked downstairs, seeing that my mom was still up watching television.   
　　“Oh hey sweetie. You feeling better?” she asked, her eyes full of concern.  
　　“I’m going out with a friend,” I told her, checking my phone. Damn it James.   
　　“Oh? Is that what you think?” she said, standing up to meet me, “I know you’re an adult now, and that you are going to move out soon, but right now you live with me, so you can’t just leave without telling me why.”  
　　“James is picking me up. He was worried, and wanted to make sure I was okay. I won’t be gone long.”  
　　“Who is James?”  
　　Well, shit. Saying at a bar probably wasn’t going to go over very well, so being a smart teenager, I told her I met him at a bar.   
　　“Go up to your room. There is no way in hell that you are going out alone with some dude you met at a bar Ash.”  
　　I heard the doorbell ring, and made my way. Mom stopped me, grabbing my arm. And in that moment there was a challenge. I opened the door,   
　　“Ash, are you okay?” James asked, grabbing my hand, “What’s going on? You scared me.” My mother coughed, pulling his attention away from me. He let go of my arm, and offered his hand to my mom.  
　　“Hello ma’am. I’m James Alexander. Ash called me a little upset, so I came to check on her,” he explained. Her eyes seemed surprised as she made eye contact with him. She took a moment to look at me, and then she walked away. James looked at me expectantly. I shook my head, and walked out the door, not bothering to wait to see if James would follow me.   
　　“Let’s take a walk,” James murmured, sliding up next to me. He put his arm around mine, and escorted me forwards.   
　　He didn’t say anything while we walked, letting me enjoy the silence in his company. It was this beautiful silence. There were no expectations of conversation, or moments of uncomfortable silence with us. It just was, and it was wonderful. Everything seemed to be happening separate of me. I was just someone watching life go by. In that moment, somehow seeing and being in it, I realized that I was totally screwed.   
　　We sat down on a bench that was probably originally intended for people waiting for the bus, but due to its size and somewhat dilapidated state, it was barely used anymore.   
　　“You gonna tell me what just happened?” he asked, breaking the mesmerizing silence that we had been in up to this point.   
　　I opened my mouth to explain, or to say anything at all, but I didn’t know what to say. What was I supposed to say? I had known this guy for such a short period of time, was I ready to tell him something that I never talked to anyone about? I told myself that I should talk to him. For the first time I found someone who wanted to hear the things about me that I hated.   
　　“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, my voice cracking and hoarse. God, why can’t I just say what I feel for once?  
　　“Then I’ll just talk for both of us,” he proclaimed, with that cheeky grin, “So I was born in this little town in Illinois. We moved out here when I was about fifteen or so. Now I wouldn’t say I was bitter, but I was bitter.” His eyes lit up when he said that. It was as if he was in a completely different time.   
　　“Doll I wish you could have seen me then. I thought I was invincible. I was such a smartass, and boy did I get into some nasty fights. One time I was in the hospital for three days after a fight. My dad was ready to kill me for being so stupid. It was obvious I couldn’t beat that kid,” his voice was different now, it seemed more anxious and determined. It was like he was about to take on the whole world single-handed.   
　　“That’s probably why I enlisted a few years later. I wanted the world to see what James Alexander was made of. Which, in all honesty, wasn’t that much,” he laughed.   
　　“I-I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, “You’re giving so much, and I-”  
　　“You don’t have to say anything. I’m not telling you because I expect you to give anything back. I’m just trying to say that you can talk to me. I’ve been through my fair share of shit ya know?” he explained, taking my hand, “I just want to help. Which is what everyone is saying, I know, but maybe I can be different”  
　　“God, who are you?” I asked incredulously, “Did they grow you somewhere? Because you are unfairly perfect.”  
　　“Perfect is not the word I would use, but I’ll take the compliment nevertheless,” he grinned.   
　　“I mean I barely know you, and here you are telling me your story. I don’t even know your when your birthday is or your favourite colour. It can’t be easy to just trust someone like that,” I answered, rambling in response.   
　　“I think you just can’t waste precious time with someone. Every breath we take is one closer to dying, so we have to make it count. I would rather be hurt than not feel at all. The real question is Ash, “ he paused seeming to think through what he was about to say, “what are you running from?”  
　　Now that was a good question. I was running from everything. I was running from what happened with Jenny. I was trying to escape the thought that maybe I could have saved her. Maybe I could have done something to keep my best friend from getting in that accident. Well, it wasn’t really a maybe. I definitely could have saved her. I let her drink. I let her get out of my sight. She drove, and I was none the wiser, just dancing with every guy in that place. I barely remember where we were, it’s such a blur now. I didn’t drink, but I was so caught up in everything. I didn’t want to think about anyone other than the hands on my waist, swaying with my body to the music.   
　　And god, that music. I just remember the pounding of the bass, probably destroying the speakers. It was non-stop, and man in that moment it was the best music I had ever heard.   
　　Jenny hated it though. She was always an introvert. She hated loud noises and crowds. She was probably the jumpiest person I had ever met. You could just put a hand on her shoulder and she would jump or fall out of her chair. I never really knew why she was that way, because she never really talked about it. People would laugh at her fear, thinking that it was funny. I never did though. I couldn’t figure out what, but something didn’t seem right.   
　　The weirdest part of the accident was that I’d always been an introvert. I was quiet and well-behaved. I never went to parties, and I would never let my friends drink. I had let her have a beer when we got there. The problem was that she didn’t stop with one. The bigger problem was that I didn’t stop her after one.  
　　“Ash, you there?” James asked, squeezing my hand.   
　　“It’s a really long story, and I’m not sure I really want to tell it,” I told him in response. He nodded in response, trying to hide his disappointment. I knew he wanted to help, and I wanted him to, but I just wasn’t ready. I couldn’t think of a time that I actually would be ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll be updating about every week or so! Feel free to comment with ideas and thoughts!


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